


the innocent can never last

by beccasaur



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-11
Updated: 2014-04-11
Packaged: 2018-01-18 22:38:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1445422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beccasaur/pseuds/beccasaur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time they hold hands—and the last.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the innocent can never last

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my [Tumblr](http://tyrelled.tumblr.com/post/82313516080/35-and-renly-loras-please) for the prompt "hold my hand".

The first time they hold hands, they're still just boys.

Innocent.

They are more than lord and squire, more than friends, even, but they do not yet realise how deep their feelings will go. It's new, still; Loras feels like his heart might pound out of his chest when Renly smiles at him, something in his stomach flipping over when they accidentally brush too close.

They're almost inseparable, save for when Loras goes to train (his wheedling, “Come _on_ , Renly,” never quite enough to make his friend train as often as he'd like), and Loras is sure that Ser Cortnay despairs, sometimes, with the way Renly is universally loved and Loras has had everyone eating out of the palm of his hand since the day he arrived at Storm's End, all curly hair and too much pride for a boy so small.

Loras is insolent, but he rarely gets into trouble; it's not as though Renly will punish him.

They take to sneaking out of the castle, discovering secret tunnels or wandering along the top of the cliffs until Loras' hair is so windswept that Renly can't help but laugh at him. They ride through the woods, and it's here that Renly shows him a secret clearing: his favourite place in the whole of the Seven Kingdoms.

Loras thinks his heart might explode from the honour of it.

It's natural to slip his hand into Renly's, his interest not feigned in the slightest; with anyone else, it might have been, but this is Renly. Loras loves anything he has to say, and he knows this is something important to him.

Holding hands is important to him too.

Renly stumbles over his next few words, looks down at their hands, and for a moment, Loras' heart is in his mouth, as though he misread all the signs—and then Renly's face splits into the biggest smile he's ever seen, like the godsdamn sun, and he continues talking.

Loras has no idea what he's saying, anymore, just that he seems happy.

When Renly reaches out and twists a curl of his hair around his finger, Loras laughs. He stops laughing when Renly leans in, pressing a brief, chaste kiss to his lips.

They're still holding hands.

\---

The last time they hold hands, it feels like the world has ended.

Innocence has fled.

Loras has nothing left. The sun has gone, his world has stopped turning. He doesn't care about anything; he is simmering rage and heart-wrenching grief. The guards are dead, Renly's murderer has fled, thus proving her guilt, in his eyes, and he is left alone to try and remember how to breathe.

His sister is here, but she's not enough. Not anymore.

He wants another's arms around him, a different hand stroking his hair to soothe him. He wants to hear laughter, wants to tease and hold hands when they are alone, running together like the boys they no longer are.

He wants Renly.

He will bury him himself, somewhere private and secluded—the first place that they held hands. He needs to be able to be at peace, to rest; he deserves that, after this. After being brutally murdered by someone he trusted, after dying alone, when Loras should have been at his side.

Gods. _Gods._

Leaning forward, he presses a kiss to his forehead. He feels so cold, and Loras is overwhelmed by the need to cover him in blankets; Renly hates (hated) being cold, always bitching about it until Loras slid into his bed beside him, sharing body warmth.

On second thought, perhaps it was a ploy. He supposes he'll never know, now.

He refuses to leave him, though, instead taking one of his hands and clasping it between his own. It's cold and stiff and lifeless, so unlike how warm and vibrant Renly was, that fresh tears fill Loras' eyes.

He loves him. He will always love him.

He doesn't want to let him go.


End file.
